Sunday, August 4, 2019

What it's Like to Lose a Child

Sometimes we have no control over death.
Sometimes, in certain situations and/or circumstances we do.

If you are in that situation, where you have some control, this is for you. If your addictions cloud your judgments, this is for you. I want you to see your life from eyes other than your own.
Some choices in life are up to us, so aren't, but you know when they are....

Your life has a greater effect on others than you may realize. A couple hours of pleasure is not worth causing someone you love a lifetime of pain; especially when you don't know if that one time...or that one last time....will be your last time physically here on Earth. The truth is you never know. It comes down to what risk you are willing to take.

I believe losing a child is the worst feeling that can be felt.
The feeling cannot be accurately put into words, but I can try my best.
The word despair has no real meaning until you truly experience it.
Despair is not normal pain...it is a pain you feel deeper than imaginable. You feel it deep in your soul. It almost always physically hurts. You feel it in your chest. It makes you feel like you will die yourself from emotional pain. It makes you feel like you can't go on. It makes you feel crazy. It makes you wake up in the middle of the night and not know what to do. The longing makes you cling onto anything you can to keep your child a part of your life, knowing that there is so much you will not get.
It makes you forget how to live a normal life.
A normal life is really not achievable at that point. You must find a new normal, in order to continue living without a child you brought into the world. You will forever long for the day that you will be reunited with your child, and that day comes when God chooses it to come.
You may crave something when you don't have it, and it may feel unbearable. Imagine craving the touch, voice, or even just sight of your own child and having no way to experience it. Imagine all the people who love you so so much crying over your lifeless body, when you could have made a choice, or gotten help and still been here today. That craving is much more sever than any drug craving, and cannot be satisfied. A drug craving can be easily satisfied, but craving the presence of a lost love one will not be fulfilled until death.
A mother would give anything for her children. It doesn't matter how bad of a situation you are in. That is what unconditional love is for. Love that strong can save your life. You just need to accept it. Love that strong doesn't judge; but love that strong can lead to destruction. It can literally destroy a person.
If you are lucky enough, you can use that love to save your life. You can also make that love forever painful beyond words.

I completely understand struggle. I understand how hard life can get. I understand how easy it can be to only think of yourself.
There is a point in life where you must start thinking of others and your effect on others. In a matter of seconds you can ruin someone's life, whether you mean to or not. Your life can go in a matter of seconds. Life is so fragile, yet so meaningful. Sometimes that meaning doesn't some until it is to late. No words can describe holding your own childs lifeless body in your arms, wishing you could trade places....feeling like it is unreal...feeling like you could go back in time...feeling like DEATH.
So all in all, if you can make the right choice, PLEASE make that choice!






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